The words left unspoken; the cherries atop the trees. They start bearing fruit in their fourth year. Your voicemails are magnificent, I wish I had more of them. To collect, to enjoy, to savor on grey, solid cold days. Inferences that don’t make sense. Tense phone calls, ending abruptly, then you call back again and apologize but you’ve already been forgiven. Because that’s just how this works, that’s just how this works. Don’t you know it?
A mild test for the two of us. Minor sting, can’t wait to hear your variation. Happy smiles, chin up, fleeting ego. Lots of stopping, then starting again, but not as if driven by a motor. A repetitive scheme it is not. Far from. Far, far from. I miss you smiling at me. In the garden, in the parking lot. In the car, briefly to yourself, because I made you laugh so you hang your head and chuckle and I find myself going completely fucking insane as a result of that.
noun blush plural noun blushes
- a reddening of the face as a sign of embarrassment or shame.
- another term for blusher (sense 1).
- a pink or pale red tinge.
- a wine with a slight pink tint made in the manner of white wine but from red grape varieties.
It was blush at first sight. Me, my products— him, his marvels. Spent evenings under the pale night sky; all was crisp, bittersweet, & hopelessly intangible. I never saw days like those. I never spent nights like that. Underneath the crystal-clear skies, we melted into ambiguous forms. We found ourselves feeling things we didn’t think we could again. Immersed somehow so very distant, he sings to me.
I didn’t want to turn this into a place for my writing but where else is a girl to go?
Catastrophes come to a close. For end matters, whatever works. Chase Bank ATM receipts by email, updates not installed. Because you’re just too. damn. distracted.
I don’t like to admit when my head is spinning. I don’t like to seem out of control. I don’t like to seem like I’m perfectly attached together. I don’t like to seem domineering and inherently a threat to the success of others. So this shallow space I’ll occupy, for the week, for the month– until it is time to give in. When is it ever the right time to give in? Shallow spaces.
I’m trying to decide what direction to take this writing space in– lifestyle blog, or personal blog. I will be doing a compare and contrast post regarding the two in my next post. I’m fueled with ideas, some may be knocked off, others more prized and intentional. I like the general voice I’m conveying my points and strings through, though. Isn’t that something, for me, to value and inherently find pride in? Not pride, something less all-eyes-on-me, more of a content nature.
I want to take an in-depth english class. and I am— soon! It’ll be online and while I’m in Russia, but it’ll hopefully cover literature I find relevance in my being towards. You feel like you can do that th anything, and when it comes to it there’s a disconnect, however minor, however pure. I don’t think I am great— I write in my own way, what if it’s all wrong? To read others’ works is to expand the mind.
The delightful treasures of life. Count them, take them in. Laugh at it all.
Trying to figure out exactly where I started and how I have led myself to this point, but no—- why regress into figuring out the past in the current moment when I’m moving forward. Maybe before bed, with tea, maybe. And always in the back of my mind. But not for me to dwell upon.
Anyway, here is a compilation of photographs that sum up what this month (some, even year) have been for me, and others or within the same photograph by nature, what is fueling inspiration or what I fathom will become of the rest of the month.
I am SO excited that I got my first Ipsy glam bag from my subscription! I’ve heard about this all over the internet and beauty-related material so it’s about time I got on the band wagon. And I got the cutest… bag with it, and it’s definitely glam!
I haven’t yet tried all of the products- I was too damn excited taking pictures of the pieces atop my lovely neutral-pink kitchen surface tiles. Or whatever those are called. But the products I did try, I am soooo in love with. Again- really happy with this month’s subscription set. Ipsy did something right, all the things.
- Marc Anthony’s leave-in conditioner: I definitely love & need leave-in conditioner, and I’m pleased with the size of the sample mailed to me. Marc Anthony is an incredible brand that I’ve known & trusted for years, and was ecstatic to see it in the glam bag.
- Murad’s Salicylic Acid face cleanser: I needed this! I know Murad from their makeup setting spray which smells delicious & I’ve unfortunately just run out of. So far I’ve really liked this face wash. It smells good, and lathers nicely; I use it with my Clarisonic Mia.
- Beau Gachis Concealer- Anticernes brush: Finally I have one! I have a friend who’s been hounding on me for not using a concealer brush. The bristles are soft & I’m glad to make my makeup routine more hygienic and overall more effective. http://www.beaugachis.com
- Benefit’s They’re Real! mascara: OH. MY. GOD. This is the best mascara I’ve used in my entire life. I didn’t have to use very many pumps of mascara to have luscious volume, dark depth, and the longest, loveliest natural lashes. I recommend this beautiful blend to all.
I am looking very much forward to next month’s glam bag! To get a subscription for yourself, go to ipsy.com to get started & fill out a short but informative questionnaire about your tastes, preferences, and self.
I will be doing more of these beauty reviews about products I come about, the Sephora Play subscription box, and the Ipsy glam bag subscription. Thank you for reading!
“A really great talent finds its happiness in execution.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I really like that sentiment and see how it can apply to the way my life has been slowly turning around. I’ve changed some habits, rid of others, and cultivated some new ideas regarding the direction I want my life to move in. These are stressful times, but the music I listen to, the art I create and surround myself with, and other peoples’ contributions- literary, research-based, or in social situations, all constitute the rise of this change in mentality. It’s been a long time coming and I’m not “here” yet, but I’m executing, I sure am executing.